How much thought is involved in creating your online dating messages? Are you frustrated by sending messages to women and not getting responses? Have you considered whether your message prompts a response? If you are wondering about dating messages, you have come to the right place!
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A Digital Introduction
Online dating messages are today’s way of walking up to someone and introducing yourself. Traditionally, it has been the gentleman’s role of taking charge and risking rejection in order to have a chance of succeeding in romance. Because human nature actually stays the same through time, holding onto these truths will place you ahead of the game. Since men are the ones who need to be initiating contact, this post is tailored to that concept.
Two First Impressions in Today’s Dating World
Have you ever heard that you only have one chance to make a first impression? In today’s dating world, you have a chance for two first impressions: a digital impression and a physical impression. The physical first impression is contingent on your digital first impression, so if you do not spark her interest digitally, there will not be a chance for a physical impression. Therefore, it is extremely important to spend some time and thought when constructing your dating messages. Most people do hope to meet someone in person at some point and not engage in never-ending chats. You don’t want to waste this opportunity with laziness or convenience, so here are some things to avoid!
Online Dating Openers You Want to Avoid
Sending Winks or Something Similar
EnamoredErnie105 sent you a wink!
Winks, bouquets, likes, or any other ways of showing interest are dating message cop outs. They are online dating window shopping. You are strolling by, browsing, and like what you see, but not taking the time to put forth any effort. So, you send a wink and hope she will reach out. That, or you don’t think you have a chance.
A gentleman shows interest by having the confidence and wherewithal to go after what he wants. He takes the time to construct a complimentary message and actively pursues her. Anything less than this will ensure that you stay online, continue to pay membership fees, and lose this opportunity to another man.
Don’t bother sending her a wink. Her first impression should be receiving a classy and complimentary message from you. I am extremely well-acquainted with the online dating world and I will tell you that if you will put even a little effort in this area, you will outshine other men.
One-Word or Simple-Phrase Greeting
“How’s it going?”
“What’s up, sexy?”
“What are you up to today?”
“How are you?”
“How was your weekend?”
“Hey, honey. How are you, darlin’?”
“How have you been?”
These online dating openers are very boring and slightly inappropriate. A woman can overlook a lot of shortcomings – especially bad profile photos – if messages appeal to her. These simple phrases show a lack of interest and a lack of effort. You could easily have sent the same thing to dozens of other women, so how will she know that she is unique? Also, keep in mind that she likely is getting tons of messages from men who are using the same approach. If she does not find your main picture attractive, she may not respond at all, and your message may get lost in the queue.
Addressing a lady stranger with a pet name like beautiful, sexy, darling, or anything else, is disrespectful. It shows an offensive familiarity that lacks respect and boundaries. Remember that she does not know you and if she is much younger than you are, she may really feel uncomfortable. How would you feel if you were sitting in your living room and a stranger barged into your house? You likely would feel shocked and probably outraged. This is how she feels when you bypass respectful addresses; you have walked into her house and not bothered to knock. Therefore, you would be wise to address her as “Madam,” “Ma’am,” “My lady,” “Miss [insert screenname],” or another respectful term of your choice.
Although you are merely trying to make conversation, her schedule is none of your business. Again, you are barging in without knocking. Besides, you can be boring together later if you wish–after years of marriage! These initial interactions are the budding courtship that sets love ablaze, so don’t start your interactions with a yawning dullness!
After deciding on a classy address, figure out what you are trying to accomplish. Why are you contacting her? Do you think she is attractive? Did you like what she said in her bio? Would you like to meet her? The first message is not too soon to ask for an in-person introduction, be it dinner or coffee. So, address her properly, find something on which to compliment her, and express a desire to know her. I recommend constructing dating messages with several sentences and tailor it to her specific profile.
The Form Letter
“Hi, beautiful. I saw your profile and thought we would be perfect together. You look like the type who would like to be wined and dined. A quick trip to the Bahamas, dinner in Paris, back to Acapulco…all of it and more I have for you. We would spend hours on my yacht, doing things I’ve only dreamt about. All this and more just for you. About me. Divorced father of four–long story. Both to blame. I dream of getting my degree in software engineering and owning my own business. Trying to get back in shape and quit smoking. I like working out, listening to Dave Matthews, singing karaoke, playing videogames, watching sports (huuuuuuuuuuge Mets fan), four-wheeling, taking road trips and going mudding. I’m a big baby at heart. …”
When a woman receives this type of message, she automatically knows that this likely is a form letter. A form letter is something you have written that you can copy and paste to a lot of different people. This is worse than simple-phrase greetings; all you had to do was press [modifier key] + C, [modifier key] + V. This shows no effort beyond the original one of writing it.
If this is not a form letter, this still presents countless problems. She does not know you, so you do not need to lead her on a fantasy. She also does not need to have that fantasy shattered moments later with your boring or broken life and a myriad of dysfunctions. Divorced father of four? Things happen, but she does not need to be bothered with these details so soon. Talking incessantly about yourself in a message is a turn-off. You don’t want her to think that you are a narcissist. Also, you don’t want to admit to being a big baby at heart. You are a grown gentleman and you have dignity.
Remember this: Until people get to know you, they aren’t nearly as interested in you as you are. Refrain from typing too much about yourself. When you are on the date, you can do most of the talking. Avoid sending form letters. Take the time to send her a complimentary email and make sure that you mention meeting her in person within the first several emails you send to her. Keep in mind that this needs to be soon since she could stop replying at any time.
Accusations of Being Fake
“Calling bull****! Total catfish!”
“No way I’m buyin’ it. Fugazi!
“There’s no way someone who looks like that is on here. Bet you scam for credit cards, too!”
First of all, online dating attracts every kind of person: young, old, overweight, thin, attractive, less attractive, black, white, yellow, brown, etc. I’ve dated online. I’ve met Hollywood directors and many other interesting people online. If you conduct yourself properly, you have limitless potential of meeting the kind of person you desire.
If you open dating messages with offense or doubt, these opportunities will be closed to you. Never insult someone by accusing the person of being fake. This is something I experienced constantly and I never met anyone who was not open to the idea that I was real. The simple fact is that you don’t know if the person is real–which is why it is important to meet as soon as possible. Your offense is a self-fulfilling prophecy: You don’t believe she is real, so you insult her and hope to be vindicated. In turn, she is offended by you and does not want to meet you, so she will never be real to you. Don’t do this to yourself! This is like opening a business and welding the doors shut so that no one can seek your services. Why bother?
Perhaps you think it is too good to be true. It appears you have found a diamond on the beach. Why would she be single and why would she be on this site? Because life happens when you have other plans. Regardless of your doubt, you must never utter a word about it. If she is willing to meet you, the chances are high that she is legitimate. You’ll find out eventually! Men take risks to reap rewards, so request to meet her, drive to her area, and give her the chance to pleasantly surprise you. If she did not represent herself accurately, you can tell her at that point. No one wishes to begin a special connection on a deceptive foundation.
Sexually Suggestive Content
“Hey hot sexy lil mama. I’ll bet your ****** meat would be a delicacy to eat.”
This is absolutely not anything a gentleman would ever send to a lady. Not only is it sexual harassment, and not only does it make her feel fearful, dirty, and uncomfortable, but it is extremely crass, uncivilized and degenerate behavior.
It is true that women have wanted to do away with the sexual double standard for many decades, but that does not mean that we are moving in the right direction. After the hundreds of profiles I analyzed when I was writing my book, Digital Dignity: Contemporary & Online Dating with Old World Class, I know that a lot of women present themselves provocatively. They know that many men prioritize sex, so they market themselves accordingly. Those likely are not the women you are interested in meeting. Nevertheless, a gentleman comports himself with the highest degree of honor and will not lower himself to degradation. He simply looks elsewhere for romantic possibilities. He knows what he likes in feminine behavior and he will settle for nothing less.
“Sup, DreamGirl1085. Meet me at Lancasters on 5th. Last call 2AM. Tell John youll be home in the morning.”
You might be surprised at all of the types of messages women receive online! Demands, especially offensive ones, are outrageous. A man may be throwing out the bait and seeing if any unchaste women bite, but elegant ladies know better. A man like this only wants one thing, and if she thought so little of herself that she decided to meet him, she would feel significantly worse in the morning when he discarded her.
Remember that you are appealing to her consideration. She is not there to do you a favor. Dating messages and courtship are where you shine greatly from your efforts. Never make demands or extend anything but a kind respect toward her. Be aware that you might not always get kindness back, since the world currently seems infested with feminism, but that just means that you likely need to look elsewhere. Wonderful ladies are out there!
Asking Personal Questions
“I just came across your profile and was surprised to find you here. How long have you been single? What happened? Did one or both of you cheat? Are you bitter? Talk to me.”
Entirely none of his business! She might open up about discussing this eventually, but not at the start. It is intrusive, it makes her feel cornered, and this is not something you should be asking her. Your history is not her business at this point, either, so do not feel pressured or obligated to provide explanations until you are comfortable.
Avoid asking questions about her past, her current situation, or anything else that would classify as personal information. If she asks you, you can politely shrug it off by saying it is a long story, something you’ll get into at another time, or just that things happen and it really is not a big deal. Avoid seeming bitter or talking badly about your ex or your past. “She is a great person, it just didn’t work out.”
“good wkd. me n my brother was out late n rode 4wheelers. we wuz tired! lol hmu.”
Never for a moment buy into the lie that it is not cool or useful to have a good grasp of your native language. For thousands of years, people have lost their freedom and their lives because they had no interest in, or had no access to, gaining helpful knowledge. Knowledge is power–and especially the power to work against you if it does not claim you.
Don’t let ignorance betray you. There are many courses, books, and other sources available to improve your language if it is not your strong point. Use proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, and try to avoid using abbreviations. Spelling is like a muscle that will atrophy if it is not frequently used. Constant use of abbreviations, in text or other digital forms of communication, will impair your ability to write effectively. Your usage of language really will make or break you, especially when trying to impress a lady through dating messages.
Make It Easy for Her to Respond
If you write one-word dating messages or one-word or simple responses, she may not feel that she needs to respond. Try to write more than a couple of sentences, but not a novel. Don’t overwhelm her. Ask her a question in order to prompt a response. Why not ask to meet her?
don’t take it personally
I am sure that it can be very frustrating to spend time writing a message to a woman and not get a response. There are many reasons that a lot of people lack decency today and have not been taught proper manners, much less important relationships skills. If she does not respond to you, that reflects poorly on her and not on you. Perhaps she is busy. Perhaps she has read a dating book with a silly dating strategy that involves one of her emails to three of yours. There is no telling. Remember that technology often fails. She may not have received your message. Sometimes the read receipts are faulty. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If you haven’t heard back after two or three responses, then you can take the hint. She obviously needs to learn some manners!
Take It to the Next Level
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This post was all about the most effective ways to send dating messages.
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