The Escalation of Narcissism

Prevalent Narcissism

Narcissism. Is there really an escalation of it? Are you or is someone you know dealing with narcissism? (You probably think this post is about you, don’t you? Don’t be vain.)

Discrimination Via Diagnoses

Forty years ago, everyone was considered passive-aggressive. Twenty years ago, everyone was dealing with someone they considered to be a psycho. Today, everyone seems to be afflicted by at least one narcissist in life. It would seem that the prevalence of mental health professionals and drug commercials have made a significant impact on the average person. Everyone thinks they know enough to take legitimate mental health diagnoses and apply them to people who are giving them any kind of trouble. However, this is wrong—not to mention unfair.

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissism obtains its name from the Greek mythological character named Narcissus. Narcissus had such a fondness for his own image that he was mesmerized by his reflection in a body of water and he fell into it and drowned.

The psychological concept of Narcissism originated in the early 20th century and is a complex disorder that involves a lot of different variables.¹ According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition. It affects a person’s sense of self-esteem, identity, and how they treat themselves and others. It’s more than arrogance or selfishness. In the worst cases, people with NPD may struggle with feelings of failure or rejection, putting their own health and well-being at risk.”² Those who are afflicted with this disorder have an obsessive need to feel important and that others are impressed by them. This is not isolated to physical appearance. Those who are narcissists are in such desperation to fulfill their needs that they can become dangerous to those who are around them.³

How Common Is Narcissism?

Surprisingly, no one really knows! Harvard Health Publishing says that although it is believed that narcissism is 50 to 75 percent more common in males than in females, it also is believed that narcissism only affects about 5 percent of the population.⁴ If the percentage of narcissists is so small, why does it seem that nearly everyone is a narcissist?

Call It What It Really Is

Today’s narcissism is actually selfishness or self-centeredness and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. It is a gluttonous, unabashed obsession with oneself and one’s life, often without consideration for other people. There are various ways in which it manifests in a person. Mentioned later in this post are only a few of countless examples of the experiences of others when dealing with people they consider to be narcissists.

Henceforth, narcissistic references will be placed in quotes for the purpose of going along with the narrative, but today’s “narcissists” are largely self-obsessed individuals who lack proper character development and social skills that would enable them to positively contribute to society. Because it has been suggested that the prevalence of true narcissism is not as common as we may perceive, we may conclude that this behavior largely stems from developmental deformities during child rearing. This evolves into in a disability to uphold healthy relationships, a deficit in essential elements necessary to sustain friendly associations, and is a constant depletion and tax on humanity because of an obsessive, one-sided interest for gain.

Why Are So Many People So Selfish?

Social media has largely contributed to this problem, but again, it appears likely to stem from an early programming of entitlement, often the result of materialistic parental proxies in place of occupied parents who have delegated their duties. Many parents have given their children almost anything they have wanted, whether monetary or material, for the purpose of entertaining or occupying the child in the absence of their emotional or physical presence.

Where Is Mommy?

The trouble with our society is that it has an inability to acknowledge the functional purpose of operational systems that it considers antiquated. There are extremely good reasons why people had roles and everyone had clearly defined job descriptions within the family.

The mother has always been the one whose main focus was to mold the children with nutritional sustenance and the constant guidance of strong morals, manners, and character. The problem has long been that this job has taken a back seat to the external occupations she has pursued. Mothers who do stay home to rear children often return to the workplace out of a sense of guilt by the time children are old enough not to be a critical danger to themselves. Unfortunately, these are the years when the guidance and reinforcement of morals and character matter the most. This important guidance is transferred to the public school system and peer interactions. Parents eventually wonder where they went wrong, and this is where that wrong turn was taken.

Man’s Role Has Been Consistent

Nothing about the father’s role has changed. He has always been expected to pursue and propose, and then provide for a family. It has always been his understanding that he would work for a living and establish a home and stable life for himself, especially if that included a family. Whether he has been successful at this, the goals and expectations have never changed.

Woman’s Role Is Conflicting & All-Encompassing

But everything about the woman has changed: her nature, her interactions, her objectives, her roles, her purpose, her expectations, and even her identity. Even worse, she is in constant conflict between her natural inclinations and her societal obligations, which are wholly contradictory. Everything she considers is walking a tightrope over what she wants and what is expected of her, and what she believes is too much or not enough. This places her in a terrible and pitiful position wherein she has never been given a fair chance or opportunity to correct her course. Unfortunately, this has been entirely deliberate.

The truth is that everything is traced back to the influence of the mother, whether good or bad. She is almost always the deciding factor in everything, from her own chastity or promiscuity, her choice of suitors and marriage, conception, formation, and marital continuance, to entrusting the education, guidance and influence of her children, the adulthood of her offspring, and even her influence on the following generation(s).

Is The Mother To Blame?

People could argue that the mother usually has to work, so her domestic and motherly duties must take lower priority. Is that because two incomes are necessary to support a family today? Single women have proven that this is not necessary, because they leave men to rear their own families every day. Regardless of the arguments about pay and cost of living, women were the ones who created the problem through their own victimization by undue influence and exploitation (a topic much too complex for this post).

Is it because of deadbeat men who do not stick around or support their families? Then who reared these deadbeat men? Was it their own mothers?

In relation to the single mother who has to work, who initiated the breakup of the family? We always hear that women initiate divorce at least 80 percent of the time. It could be said that many women are disagreeable, self-centered, absent, neglectful of important and necessary duties, and that much of this stems from her own devalued self-worth. This lowered self-worth places her in positions where she makes bad choices for herself and spends the rest of her life trying to fix the damages and watch them pass on to her children. I make these charges against women because I am intimately acquainted with feminism and its history. Feminism has always sought to restructure and damage women and their relations to their families and society. It is very difficult to find a woman today who is not a feminist or a product of its disastrous direct influence.

Destructive Damages

The point is that society is afflicted with individuals who have been stunted in personal growth. This can be traced back to a broken family and/or an absent and distracted mother, or a mother who cannot provide the necessary elements for healthy child rearing and has entrusted her role to others. It is worsened by the dysfunctional pressures of a feminist and socialist society like the one we have now. Women sustain this dysfunction because they remain unaware—and even defensive and protective—of their most powerful enemy: the feminism that has been responsible for their own programming since their beginning. This enemy has also taken possession of their children—and they have allowed it.

A Sitting Duck for “Narcissistic” Exploitation

If you are shy or you were reared with manners and have developed a discomfort with discussing yourself at length or monopolizing conversations, you are doing very well. You likely also are kind and understanding. Unfortunately, all of it makes you vulnerable to those who are self-centered, as they take the hard work out of dialogue and make it a monologue. This means that conversations solely revolve around them. Your own conversational skills will atrophy when engaging with these individuals long-term, because they haul the entire conversation on their own and allow you to completely relax.

Oblivious To Social Cues

Self-centered people have a hard time recognizing social cues. They do not know when to stop talking because they have exhausted their listeners or bored them to tears. On the phone, if the listener provides a reason to close the discussion, the selfish person has another topic to introduce or another point to add and it become tiresome to end the conversation. Eventually, the listener makes excuses for not answering calls or resents the hours that the self-centered “narcissist” steals from them.

Examples of “Narcissistic” Self-Absorption

The following are some seemingly benign but recognizable indications of “narcissistic” self-centeredness.

The Sexist Smear

In the case of a divorce, one may notice that the woman is often not considered a “narcissist”; she is a strong, independent woman. He is the “narcissist.” This likely is because she did not get her way or he did not fully acquiesce to her lead or had other things on which he placed his focus. Perhaps one or both were unfaithful or disagreeable. But we must admit that in order to be a strong, independent woman, it is necessary to be strong enough to build her world around herself, which is the foundation of self-centeredness.

Feminism never tires of its inversions, irony, and outward blame, however, or the sexist double standard it long ago created. But children are directly impacted by this familial dysfunction. Almost all modern women lack introspection to determine where they went wrong, accept any blame, or acknowledge how they have negatively affected their children. This is not entirely their fault; these are the results of feminism. But it is “narcissism” or selfishness at the very least.

The Phone Vampire

Patricia knows this type of self-centeredness far too well. “My cousin becomes extremely angry if I don’t answer his texts right away. I literally have to stop what I am doing and make myself available for a two- or three-hour phone conversation when he wants it or he will have a tantrum. It is all about him. I always know when he calls that the rest of my day is ruined because I have to stop what I am doing and cancel my plans. Even if I am sick with a fever and a splitting headache, he will talk for hours. The entire conversation is about him or what he thinks about any number of topics, like hockey and baseball and all I can ever say is ‘uh huh,’ or ‘yeah’ between his sentences. Usually I am bored out of my mind. It makes me absolutely miserable—especially because I often try not to fall asleep, which would make him furious. I resent that.”

Heather says, “I must have a flashing sign that says that my entire day and attention are up for grabs. All of my friends will call and talk for hours, and even send long podcasts that I am expected to follow. If I listened to those in addition to the long hours on the phone in the evenings, how could I get anything done? I told one friend that I was sick and instead of showing any concern, she talked for 35 minutes about her last bout of sickness and never even said anything about mine or offered to help me in any way. And I really wanted to get off of the phone!”

A Legend In One’s Own Mind

Anna visited a grassroots gathering and had hoped to connect with like minds. “This man showed up. I recognized him from some of the alternative media platforms where he had been a guest. But the ego was most impressive! He talked with us for a few minutes and was completely unable to have a two-way conversation. He talked only about himself and asked no questions to get to know any of us. I noticed that each time anyone said anything, he didn’t respond to it at all. It was like he didn’t hear any of it. Instead, he continued with what he was saying or introduced something else about himself. Then he started name-dropping and bragging about hobnobbing with famous people. There was no room in the conversation for
anyone but him. The man could have been talking to a brick wall and gotten no response and he likely wouldn’t have noticed!”

Conversation must be at least a two-lane road. There are verbal and physical responses that take place during conversations that the “narcissist” completely misses. When people share information and the listener disregards it and fails to respond, the speaker feels unimportant and inferior. When “fans” or conversational partners are so far beneath the person that he or she cannot relate, it is not a pleasant experience.

The Conceited Content Creators & Influencers

In a similar circumstance, Sara, an aspiring influencer, has hoped to connect with others in her field because she believes she can make significant contributions. “I have lost count of the other influencers I have contacted for collaboration or interviews. No one ever answers my messages, whether they are on social media or their actual websites. No one has the courtesy or professionalism to respond, no matter what.”

This is a common problem of arrogant attention addicts, even accomplished authors. The trouble is not that these people are too busy to answer correspondence; it is that they are legends in their own minds, and therefore untouchable except by others of similar or superior success. Every public figure to any degree needs to have the decency (or a representative) to conduct themselves with humble courtesy. If those who admire you reach out to you, and you fail to respond in some capacity, they will not be your fans for very long! Never glorify your own success; eventually it will trip you.

Linda had a great experience. She attended a G. Edward Griffin seminar and learned a lot about finance as well as personal relations. “I talked with Mr. Griffin during one of the intermissions and he was the most warm, kind, and humble man. He was very engaging in the conversation and he made me feel that he was interested in what I had to say and that I was important to him. It almost felt like he was there to see me. I appreciated that.” This is very important. All public figures should brush up on conversational etiquette (and take copious notes).

Uneven Elevation

Even professional interactions can be “narcissistic.” How many times do you visit a doctor, for example, and you refer to him or her as Dr. ——, but the person addresses you by your first name? This is what I refer to as Uneven Elevation. You address the person properly, with formality, and the person addresses you improperly, with familiarity. This is not being friendly; this is one-sided professionalism that immediately knocks the client off of the courteous client pedestal and the person lands far below equal footing.

My own grandmother was offended when she would visit doctors’ offices and all personnel would address her by her first name. It is offensive when permission is not granted. It is the equivalent of walking into someone’s house to use the restroom; most people would not mind if someone knocked and presented a request first. But walking in and helping oneself is simply not okay. It is an invasion. Personal addresses are the same principle.

Toni handled matters appropriately when she encountered a similar situation. Upon meeting her doctor and his addressing her by first name, she said, “Okay, if I’m Toni, then you’re Jim, not Dr. Johnson, all right?” He laughed and said that was fine.

The Untouchable Performers

There are performers or bands who consider it charity to exploit talented individuals and let them play for free, and are too elevated to return any favors, even compensation. This occurs on the lower rungs of the film industry, too, with its constant replenishment of “interns,” providing full-time work with zero pay. It is not slavery if someone agrees to it!

Randy made an interesting observation. “My buddy Kyle is an awesome musician. I just wish he’d stop getting used. Every time a certain band comes to the area, he will sit in with them and play the entire time for free – and he has done this for the entire season and for years. Sometimes they even reach out to him to let him know they’ll be in town and request for him play with them. They have never asked him to officially join, have never given him any money, not even any of the tips. Sometimes they’ll give him a gift someone in the crowd gave them. I always see them snub his wife, who doesn’t think highly of them either, now. He’s even given them gifts of appreciation at times. I know of a few times that he has requested for them to help him with various projects that would cost nothing for them to accommodate, and they always decline. I get that he’s allowing himself to be used, but it’s a sad situation, man. They are a narcissistic and overly-inflated band and he doesn’t seem to be bothered by that treatment. Really sad.”

The Prideful Restaurateurs

Restaurant owners are often celebrities in their own minds. The restaurant becomes an extension of them, and restaurant goers are their fans.

Jessica has patronized her local restaurants and feels that all restaurant owners want is her money and adoration. “I don’t get it. My husband and I eat out a lot and we have gotten to know the local restaurant owners over the past few years. All the time they will come to our table to say hello because we are regulars, but they probably don’t even know our names! I could tell you all of their family members and pets and what their relatives do. These people talk constantly about themselves and pull up pictures and videos on their phones. But they never ask questions and get to know us. They don’t seem to care at all. I’ve started to wonder if these restaurants are just a way that these narcissists can get attention. They never ask us anything about ourselves. Do they know anything about their customers and do they see themselves as celebrities or something?”

Kristine has noticed something similar. “One restaurateur is a friend I have known for almost twenty years. She has the same birthday as my mother and her son’s birthday is the day before mine. Never once has she remembered either of our birthdays, even though we celebrate their birthdays with her every year. Why is everyone steeped in narcissism?!”

The Inopportune Clinger

Many have visited a restaurant and encountered owners or staff or other patrons who stay and talk for the duration of the meal. Worse, some feel it is rude to eat while in conversation, so the food is cold when the conversation concludes. It does not seem to matter; the visitor has not the insight to consider whether the long conversation is welcome at that time.

Rob remarked, “Our food had just arrived and a friend of my girlfriend’s walked in. They waved and the guy came over and sat down with us. He put his stuff in the next chair and made himself comfortable. He talked the entire time about his business matters and we tried to be polite and listen. By the time we ate, when we realized he wasn’t going to leave, everything was cold. Not only that, it was Valentine’s Day. That narcissist completely ruined dinner and the occasion.”

The Snub

Everyone has encountered the person who is a friend on social media but who does not say hello, much less acknowledge them with a smile in public. They are too consumed by their own self-absorption to have any desire to be polite or friendly. Worse is the matter of people you know very well ignoring you in public.

This has worsened with social media, where everyone posts the highlights of their lives and have to be “on” all of the time, looking their best and acting as though there is nothing ordinary about their lives. In reality, however, often people are seen in public when they simply do not feel like being seen or interacting.

The Perceived Slight

Then there are people who think that any social media post you make is critical of them, even when there is no way that it could be applicable. This almost always occurs when the person could not have been farther from your mind at the time of the post.

Donna recounts a time when she posted an insightful quote about friendly relations and later learned that one friend took exception to her words. “She was so livid upon reading it that she told me she had to calm down for a few days before she could even talk to me because she had been ready to confront me over it. I was completely oblivious that there was any problem, because she was the last person on my mind when I created my post. It was shocking to me that she thought it applied to her, not to mention that she had such an angry response. She would have felt really silly had she confronted me with vitriol only to learn that it had nothing to do with her at all! In fact, I hope she does feel silly because that hurt my feelings a lot.”

The Battery-Drainer

These people seem to sustain themselves on their problems and other people’s attention to those problems. This is different from a person who has a legitimate life crisis and needs continual support through their storm. The Battery-Drainer always has a problem, a different problem, and often makes mountains out of molehills only for attention and the negative energy it generates. It is obvious that the person is not interested in being happy and seeks validation and attention from everyone with whom there is contact. The person never has a good day or an elevated morale; there is nothing but negativity in their life.

Compassionless, Impatient “Support”

The “narcissist” (self-centered person) is usually too encumbered by their own interests and inner focus to be bothered with yours. They don’t have time, interest, patience, or sympathy for your problems. They recommend you seek professional help or start a 12-step program. There is no interest in your issues because they think they pale in comparison to anything they have experienced. Their motto is, “Suck it up, buttercup.” Do not bother them with your troubles.

The Large Pot Calling the Small Kettle “Black”

Those who are not selfish or narcissistic usually do not go around looking for targets to label and blame. Most of the time it is the “narcissist” who sees narcissists everywhere. The ex is a narcissist, the brother is a narcissist, the best friend is a narcissist, the mother is a narcissist, the boss is a narcissist—everyone is a narcissist. That is, everyone but the most self-centered person of all—the person who sees narcissists everywhere.

Problems Do Not A Selfish Narcissist Make

Friends and family can be much better than therapists. They know you better, they have your best interests at heart, they seek no monetary gain, and they are not out of business if they solve your problems and send you on your way.

One reason people marry in front of a congregation of peers is because those peers are supposed to witness and support the union. Hard times are inevitable and although it is not intended for married people to broadcast all of their problems, that congregation should be comprised of close people who can strengthen and reinforce that union. This is why close individuals often are better than a therapist—especially another married couple who has a good track record and has been married for more than 20 years. The intention is to help the person, not to profit from their problems. Always consider the incentive of the listener!

Life is full of trying times and of situations that can only be handled by having listeners, reassurance and support. Someone you care about may be having a hard time and needs to vent, perhaps even constantly. Sometimes this can go on for weeks, months, or years. This does not make him or her a “narcissist” or self-centered. We cannot place time limits on grief or trouble. Anyone who attempts to do so by shaming the person or pressuring him or her is incessantly cruel. Some people have a much harder time dealing with the low spots in life. There is simply no forecast for how long it will last. Having many friends can ease the weight distribution that can burden people during extended difficulties, but good friends should be available as life preservers on our high seas.

Friends & Family To The Rescue

Candace recalls a very trying time in her life and the unforgettable support she had from her group of friends. “My sister and I went through a horrendous several years. Everything was happening at once. It was the kind of stress that would break most people. Our friends would meet every week for a meal and, bless them, most of our meal discussions revolved around the troubles we were experiencing at the time. They listened tirelessly and were there every step of the way. It must have been unpleasant to hear us yell about the hell for so long, but I can’t express how much their support meant at that time. How much it means still. They got us through it. That’s what real friends do. They don’t rush you through it or belittle you, or say time’s up. They are there and they let you take as long as you need and keep telling you that it will be okay. Eventually it will be.”

Friends and family are lifeboats that carry us to smooth waters and safety. They are necessary in order to stay afloat on life’s turbulent waters. But know that good friends and family can be hard to find. In order to locate them, it helps to be a good friend and family member.

Are you a “narcissist”?

As with psychosis, those who genuinely are narcissistic almost never entertain the possibility that they could be so. If you wonder whether you are psychotic or narcissistic, chances are likely that you are neither. Real narcissism appears to be so complex that it is difficult even for professionals to diagnose or define. There probably is not much of a need for worry.

Are you self-centered?

This character trait is far more likely in a world like ours today.

• Do you talk about yourself for most of the conversation?
• Do you frequently steer conversation topics back to yourself?
• Do you actually listen and engage in conversations or do you listen long enough
  for triggers that prompt you to think about your next response or anecdote?
• Do you ask the other person questions about him? Do you have interest in this person?
• Do you ignore social cues? (Yawns, tiredness, distraction, boredom, etc.)
• Do you require excessive admiration?
• Do you often post personal things on social media?
• Do you have introspection and can see your own shortcomings?
• Can you accept blame?
• Do you say you are sorry?
• Do you like to share?
• Do you think about others?
• Do you engage in community service?
• Do you put the needs of your family first?
• Do you prioritize the needs of your spouse or significant other?
• Are you a good friend?
• Are you a good spouse?
• Do you see only faults in your loved ones?
• Do you have an exaggerated sense of importance?
• Do you feel good when your loved one(s) achieve their goals or win awards?
• Are you happy for the success of others?
• Do you want for people to succeed, even beyond your own achievements?
• Do you take advantage of others or use people to achieve your goals?
• Do you often feel a sense of entitlement?
• Does your gift-giving depend on what you expect to receive?
• Do you consider others’ feelings before speaking or thinking?
• Do you invite yourself along when others have plans?
• Are you concerned about not being an imposition for anyone?
• Are you respectful of other people’s boundaries?
• Do you feel empathy and can you relate to others?
• Are you often envious or resentful of others?
• Can you identify problems you have created in any of your relationships?
• Do you think about mistakes you have made and how you could have done things
  differently?
• Can you admit when you are wrong?
• Do you think you are more important than others?

Devastating Impact of “Narcissism”

Is there any wonder that people are so sad and lonely? It is reasonable for them to feel that no one cares about them or has any interest in their wishes or accomplishments or supports them through hard times. Everywhere they turn, they see selfish and self-absorbed people who seemingly could not care less about others. It is devastating that the only people to whom most people can turn is a paid professional who will see them through their troubles, only to look for more vulnerabilities that can be magnified for profit and job security.

The problem is not that people who tolerate “narcissists” are doormats who need to learn boundaries and stop allowing it. Society does not need to be harder. The problem is the selfish person exploiting the kindness that is left of society and being a nuisance to people who have cultivated civilized behaviors and decent characters. Like medicine, the solution sought should not be the suppression of the symptoms of the problem, but in targeting the source of the problem. The source of these problems is the selfish individual and whatever elements were responsible for creating them.

Finding A Solution

Is it not time to put a stop to this? This is not the best course for humanity. Much of this can be traced to Marxist indoctrination in schools. One solution I would suggest is that families need to hunker down and do what is necessary to ensure that the mother can stay home with the children and homeschool, and that people need to divorce themselves from their selfishness, not their spouses. Early childhood indoctrination is a programming so powerful that almost no force in the world is strong enough to undo it once it is secured through the formative years. Good mothers and good wives are needed more than ever before.

Best of luck to you, my friends,

Danica De La Mora

Image credit: J. J. Jordan, Danica De La Mora.
Sources:
1. Wikipedia contributors, “Narcissism,” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Narcissism&oldid=1282337046 (accessed April 1, 2025.)
2. Cleveland Clinic. “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder. Accessed March 31, 2025.
3. Cleveland Clinic. “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder. Accessed March 31, 2025.
4. Restivo, Jenette. “Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatments.” https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms-diagnosis-and-treatments. Harvard Health Publishing, January 8, 2024. Accessed March 31, 2025.

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